Theological Truth: The compassionate love of Christ cures us of our shame and “straightens out” our lives.
“In you, O Lord, have I taken refuge; let me never be ashamed.” – Psalm 71:1
There was a woman who worked in a downtown city. Her walk from the parking lot to her office building required her to go past a pet shop. It hadn’t been a problem until one day there was a parrot in a cage right on the sidewalk. As the woman walked by, the parrot called out, “Hey, lady…” and as she stopped, startled and surprised, it said, “You’re ugly.”
She hurried on her way and didn’t think too much of it. The next day, same thing: “Hey, lady. You’re ugly.” This went on and on for weeks. Every day: “Hey, lady. You’re ugly.” It really began to weigh on her, so she finally called the manager to complain about the bird. He apologized and was genuinely concerned. He promised he’d talk to the bird, but admitted he wasn’t sure how much good it would do – the bird being a bird and all.
So the next day, the lady began her walk towards the pet shop with anticipation. The bird was still there. But this time as she approached, the bird said, “Hey, lady [pause], you know.” (Credit to the Rt. Rev. Morris Thompson for his joke.)
That’s the voice and power of shame. We are all haunted and stunted by shame. At one point or another (some more often and others for longer periods of time), we are all susceptible to that inner voice that says, “I’m not good enough, smart enough, diligent enough, loved enough, [fill in the blank] enough.” It may be the marriage that failed or the career that ended badly. It could be our parents who never quite approved or our kids who haven’t turned out as we had hoped. It may be a lack of “measuring up” to social, financial, moral, or professional standards. Maybe it’s the things we’ve done or left undone. Whatever it is that feeds that voice in our head saying, “Hey, you know. You don’t belong; you don’t deserve; you aren’t worthy; you are unlovable.” That’s shame.
Brene Brown describes shame as that voice we hear when we put our hand on the doorknob to the room of daring greatly that says, “Uh-uh. You’re not good enough.” And if we push through and open the door anyway, the voice then keeps saying, “Who do you think you are.” (Ted Talk: Listening to Shame) She goes on to explain that shame is different than guilt. Guilt is productive and healing. Guilt says, “I’m sorry; I made a mistake.” Shame is destructive and crippling. Shame says, “I’m sorry; I am a mistake.”
I wonder if the woman from Luke’s Gospel who couldn’t stand up straight had been crippled by shame? Did she think she was a mistake? She had been bent over for 18 years. Looking down, not seeing the horizon, not making eye contact. Downcast and downtrodden. Notice that she doesn’t see Jesus. But Jesus sees her. She doesn’t ask to be healed. Jesus calls her over and sets her free from her ailment. He reminds her and his critics that she is a daughter of Abraham, a child of God. She is not a mistake.
Brene Brown says that the antidote to shame is empathy. The compassion of Jesus replaces the crippled woman’s shame. He validates her worth and restores her identity. His voice of loving acceptance replaces that inner voice of shame. Her posture straightens and her perspective changes. She is set free to live a life that praises and glorifies God.
That’s what we are all called to do. St. Iraneaus said, “The glory of God is a human being fully alive.” In order for us to glorify God, we have to be fully alive. And if – or when – shame cripples us, bends us in half, and restricts our vision, we need to hear the voice of Jesus, seeing us, calling to us, reminding us that we are sons and daughters of Abraham, children of God, blessed to be a blessing. We can stand up straight and accept the new life of belovedness and belonging.
But how can we trust our belovedness? How can we be sure we belong? We can’t – not if we see it as a one-person, self-improvement job. We will forever have moments of doubt if we mistakenly think God’s love and acceptance are based on our merits, our gifts, or our actions. Grace is never earned.
That’s what the young prophet Jeremiah discovers. When the voice of God calls him to be a prophet, he resists. Do you hear the voice of shame in Jeremiah’s response? “I’m not enough – old enough, good enough, smart enough.” And shame’s other weapon, also evident in Jeremiah’s hesitancy, crippling him with doubt: “Who do you think you are? You’re no prophet.” And in a way, that voice is right. Jeremiah isn’t worthy, accepted, beloved because of anything he’s done or has. He can’t do this on his own.
But he isn’t on his own! That’s the good news for both Jeremiah and for us. We aren’t on our own. God makes that abundantly clear. “I am with you to deliver you, says the Lord.” (Jeremiah 1:8b) So Jeremiah stands up and sets out, fully alive to all that God is doing in him and through him. How does he know he is loved, accepted, and worthy? Because God says so.
Just as surely as God had plans for Jeremiah, God has plans for us. And just as surely as Jeremiah and the woman crippled for 18 years needed to be set free from shame paralysis by divine presence, so do we. We need to hear the compassionate voice of Jesus – the Love and Word of God embodied in our midst – saying, “I see you. I love you. You belong.” It helps to remember this wisdom from Richar Rohr, “God doesn’t love us because we are good. God loves us because God is good.”
Here’s a way to remember that voice – the Word of God’s love, rather than the voice of shame. In baptism our identity as children of God is renewed, we are accepted into the household of God. We answer God’s call on our lives with these words: “I will, with God’s help.” (Book of Common Prayer, p. 304) That’s not to be interpreted as “I will if God helps,” but a statement of trust: “I will because I know God is with me to help.” How can we be sure that we are children of God? Because God says so. How can we trust that we are enough? Because God is with us and Jesus promises, through the power of the Holy Spirit, never to leave us to face our troubles alone.
In baptism (today), we come to the font…bent over…bowed down…eyes down. We approach crippled by shame, but we leave cleansed and restored because our worth, our belonging, our belovedness, isn’t earned, it’s gifted. It’s not about us, it’s about God’s love for us – God’s amazing grace. We will, we do, we can, with God’s help.
So if or when you hear the voice of shame in your head….
If you are not feeling up to the new life God is calling you to….
If you are forgetting that you are indeed a beloved child of God….
If the voice of shame haunts you with “Hey lady, hey man…you know,” respond with a confident, “Yes, I know. I know there’s a Love bigger than my mistakes. I don’t need to be perfect. I need and I have God’s help.”
— Fr. AJ Heine, Rector, Trinity Episcopal Church of Staunton
Eleventh Sunday After Pentecost, Year C, August 21, 2022
Readings: Jeremiah 1:4-10, Psalm 71:1-6, Hebrews 12:18-29, Luke 13:10-17
