Good morning! I know that a lot of you know me, but some of you who may be visiting or listening do not, so I want to introduce myself and tell you a little bit about me before I share my story.
My name is Muffie Newell, and I am on staff and a parishioner at Trinity. I was born in Petersburg, Virginia which is 30 miles south of Richmond. I am the oldest of four children all born within four and a half years of each other. We were a very busy household! I am a cradle Episcopalian, meaning I was raised in the Episcopal Church. I was baptized, confirmed, and married at Christ and Grace Episcopal Church overseen by the same rector, Rev. Boston Lackey. He was a wonderful man who as my mother said was not the best preacher, but a great minister. Meaning his sermons were not that stimulating, but he was a man who glowed with love, who welcomed you in, and made you feel at home and loved by God.
As a result, my family was very involved and active in church life. I sang in the choir,
went to Sunday school, and participated in youth activities. As I entered my teen years some of my friends stopped going to church because—I don’t know—maybe they thought they were too cool to attend. I was confused by this as I felt that by attending it got my week off to a good start. And when I didn’t attend, I felt empty inside and my week began on an off note.
So, life rolled along. I grew up, went to college, and moved away from home, all the while keeping a faithful relationship with God, attending church not so regularly, but always during the holidays and when I went home to see my mom and dad. Eventually I met my husband Ross and we moved to Staunton where we started regularly attending Trinity Church.
As those of us who have a little age on us know, as you age life tends to become more complicated. It’s not that it isn’t as fun, you just have a few more responsibilities like owning and maintaining a home and car and other people to care for, be they children or aging parents. These added commitments enrich your life which is wonderful, yet it can be overwhelming at the same time.
When I was in my early 30’s I had two experiences that changed my life and shook
my trust and my faith in God.
The first was when my husband Ross was in a terrible automobile accident. The second experience happened a few years later when my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and he died.
I am not going to go into the details of these events. The reason is because you
probably have experienced events like these where the rug was pulled out from
under your feet and left you feeling disoriented and wondering what the heck! And
you may have said worse than that, I know I have, but I can’t say those words in church although God has certainly heard me say them. Sorry God.
If you did as I did, like in today’s Psalm, I cried out to the Lord:
Help me! I am confused! I don’t know what to do! Help me!
And then, God reaches down and puts his mighty hands underneath my armpits and
lifts me out of the slimy pit of mud and mire and sets me down on solid ground. Don’t you just love that image? I’m going to say it again…
There I stand covered in filth and I probably stink, I think to myself “Wait a minute,
what just happened, why did this happen, and why can’t I cope?” I begin to try to sort
things out. I try to put meaning to this mess I am in; I talk to my friends. Yet some
caring friends don’t know because we are all so young, and yet they try to help by saying things like “Maybe God only gives you what you can handle; God has a plan; everything happens for a reason,” and so on. And frankly these thoughts only confuse me and make me angry because it sounds like God has planned for these rotten things to happen to me, and do I believe that?
So now I am conflicted for the first time about God. And I must admit, I am angry at
God! I begin to wonder: Does God love me? What do I really believe? Am I a good
person, a good Christian? How do I know? I had no guidebook. I was just a person
trying to do the best I can with limited knowledge trying to function in a chaotic time.
When I read the Psalm for this morning, I noticed that the Psalmist doesn’t go on
to say: And after lifting me out of the slimy pit of mud and mire, God then dips me into the cool stream to wash me clean and sets me down on solid ground. No, God lifts me up out of the slimy pit with the mud and mire still clinging to my body and smelling awful and sets me down on solid ground.
This lets me know that God knows that my life is going to be messy and unpredictable. But with him by my side to guide me, I can remain on solid ground while I figure out what to do. Because God wants me to be proactive.
So here I am trying to be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend, but now my life is complicated. My life is hard. No one prepared me for the struggles. Maybe you have felt this way?
Everyone else makes it look so easy. Is it me? Am I complicated and strange? I was
afraid of those thoughts. Oh, not that I would hurt myself or my children, no that was not a concern. The concern was if I shared my thoughts would people think I was weird or crazy? Would I alienate myself and be alone? I had already taken steps to better my mental health. I was seeing a therapist and taking medication. Those things definitely helped, but something was missing. I felt I needed to do something that could help me restore my trust in God. I needed to get my faith back on track because the health of my faith was important to me.
Even though I was afraid, one day I got up the nerve to attend a Bible study class at
church. I was by far one of the youngest in the group that was filled with older women, some donning gray hair and others supported by canes.
I learned through them and God’s word that it was okay to be fragile and broken. They reassured me that I was not alone when I questioned my faith. They had questioned their faith at times too, and that on some occasions I would never know the answer to life’s complicated events, questions, and problems. But peace would come by the ability to cope, and with each passing year, life would become bearable, and joy would return. I needed to be patient and to listen so I could hear God’s voice telling me that everything was going to be okay and that I was okay. That God loved me no matter what.
I took their advice, and I began to try to hear God’s voice. I began to listen for what my purpose might be. Did I always listen to what God said? Oh no, of course not. I brushed many thoughts aside: I’m too busy to commit to this, or I’m not qualified to teach that. I resisted, but God kept at it.
I realized there still was too much noise in my life. I couldn’t hear what God was trying to tell me, so I turned off the TV and car radio. The more I listened, I mean really listened, the more I began to hear God whispering to me. “I need you to help me, you can do it, please try for me, I need you, trust me. I know you have some good ideas in that head of yours that would help others.”
And so, I did. I tried helping in small and different ways. Did I like everything I tried? No, some things did not suit me. Did I make mistakes? Oh yes. Was I sometimes unprepared? Oh yes. But I tried new things, and with God by my side I started to find my niche, while still trying to do the best I can. Eventually Bruce Geary, an assistant rector back in the mid 1990’s, asked Virginia Gillock and me if we would co-direct the then called Christian Ed Committee. We along with a committee would run the children’s Sunday school program. Our children were attending Sunday school and our families were very involved in Trinity, and so on a huge leap of faith we agreed. The next thing Virginia and I knew we were packing our very young children in total ages one, three, four, five, and six into our vans and headed to a weeklong Episcopal conference center called Kanuga four and a half hours away in western North Carolina for a Christian formation conference. Not knowing a soul but each other, we enrolled our skeptical children in the Kanuga kids camp, shared a cabin with two other families from Florida that naturally we had never laid eyes on, and had the time of our lives. There we learned about the Godly Play program and numerous other great ideas that we brought back and implemented at Trinity. Our children loved attending as well. My girls still recall the magical times spent at Kanuga. That was the beginning of my involvement at Trinity and with God’s help I’ve never looked back.
In our readings today this is what we hear Isaiah and Paul telling us. Isaiah says that God wants each of us to be involved, to figure out how we can help. Because you are a light in the darkness for those in need. God has chosen you and he needs your help.
Paul tells us that each of us has a job to do, a role to take, or a contribution to make.
One assignment may seem more spectacular than another, but even the very small
tasks are necessary to carry out God’s plans for his church and his world.
When you listen and make yourself available, you will discover what it is that God is calling you to do. If you are not sure what you may want to try to do, you can talk to AJ, Cara, me, or any parishioner here at Trinity. We can help you find your niche. Because Trinity needs your help. This is a promise you make when you renew your baptismal vows. You say, I will with God’s help. Amen.
— Muffie Newell, Assistant for Formation and Pastoral Care, Trinity Episcopal Church of Staunton
Second Sunday After Epiphany, Year A, January 15, 2023
Readings: Isaiah 49:1-7, Psalm 40:1-12, 1 Corinthians 1:1-9, John 1:29-42
