Theological Truth: Jesus’ Law of Love prioritizes what is loving over what is legal.
Come Holy Spirit and kindle in us the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and we
shall be created, and you shall renew the face of the earth. Amen.
There are some weeks, I look at Sunday’s Gospel and I am so grateful that I get to preach. And then there are other occasions when I look at the Gospel and I think, “Wonder what the Old Testament reading is?” And then there are still other weeks, when, after checking all of the scriptures, I think, “Maybe I can ask Cara to preach!” This is one of those weeks.
It is also one of those weeks where if the scripture is read, then it must be addressed. I’d venture to say that there is no one here today without either direct or indirect experience with the pain of divorce, the complications of relationships, or the complexities of gender. And so here I stand, as not only a man, but a divorced and remarried man, to preach on the relationship between men and women and the legality of divorce. Now you see why we pray before we preach! Come Holy Spirt!
Let’s start with a part of Genesis just prior to today’s reading: “Then the Lord
God formed man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life” (Gen. 2:7a). Who did the Lord God form? The man … Adam. That’s how we typically think of this first human. Certainly all of the subsequent references to “the man,” or “he” or “him” in our English bible translations create this visual image of a very male Adam, but using the term “the man” is misleading. The original Hebrew says that God formed “ha-adam” out of “ha-adamah.” The phrase “ha Adamah” means “the earth.” And so “ha-adam” comes from “ha Adamah.” It’s like saying the Lord God formed the earthling out of the earth. The Hebrew word for a male human, “ish”
doesn’t appear until after the rib-ectomy. So, it would be more accurate to say “mankind” or “the human” rather than “the man.”
Why is this important? Well, at the risk of man-splaining, patriarchy is a real thing, which has been partially built on and/or justified by this misinterpretation of scripture. If the assumption is that women were derived from men, they must be subordinate to them. Crazy, right? I know. As the sole male sibling with three strong independent sisters in a long line of fierce matriarchal family systems, the whole idea of male superiority seems laughable. No matter what the paperwork may have said, I had no doubt as to who was the head of our household!
But words matter. Take for instance the Hebrew word “ezer” which we translate as helper. “How nice of God to create a little helper for the man,” some have mused. Others have taken it a step further and concluded that since the Bible says that women were created to be helpers, they are supposed to be both subordinate and subservient. It’s crucial to point out that “ezer” is also translated as helpmate and partner. In fact, God is sometimes referred to as ezer, as in Psalm 115:9: “O Israel, trust in the Lord! He is their help (ezer) and their shield.” God made humankind a partner, because God knows: “It is not good for humankind to be alone.” As Diana Butler Bass puts it, “Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh,” “isn’t about some secondary, divine afterthought of femaleness …. [it] is the shocking recognition of sameness and equality — not difference or superiority.”
It’s not good for humans to be alone. We need one another. We belong to one another. We are connected. Which brings us to today’s reading from Mark’s Gospel. The pharisees’ question about whether it is legal for a man to divorce his wife sounds a lot like the question some of them will ask Jesus in Chapter 12 about whether or not it’s lawful to pay taxes to Caesar. They know good and well the answer. Not only was it legal, but it was common practice. What Jesus also knows and is most concerned about is the result of this practice. Because of their hardness of heart, Moses allowed them to write a certificate of dismissal. This was slightly better than impulsively tossing a woman and her children out into the street, but Jesus knows that still leaves her and the kids at considerable risk. Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it right.
It’s not good to be alone. It’s not ok to deny our connectedness or to ignore the vulnerable in our midst. And so, Jesus directs us away from loopholes and steers us back to love: “What God has joined together, let no one separate.” Certainly in marriage, two people are joined together. Also in creation, God has joined us together. In Christ, we have been joined into a mystical body. Being divorced from one another is contrary to God’s dream for us all. And it’s particularly egregious and dangerous for those who are vulnerable. When his disciples sternly try to drive a wedge between Jesus and the children seeking his blessing, he rebukes them and welcomes them into the family, taking them into his arms, laying his hands on them, and blessing them.
Focusing on whether or not divorce is legal, sets the bar too low. It neglects our inherent connectedness and risks emotional and spiritual harm. Rather than asking if it’s legal, it’s better to ask, “What’s the loving thing to do?” For some marriages, certainly where there’s abuse of any kind, divorce may very well be the most loving thing to do. But even in the midst of dissolving a marriage, we are still called to operate by that question: “What’s the next loving thing to do?” Some of the best counsel I received was to remember that even after being divorced, my ex-wife and I would remain co-parents. For the long-term well-being of all those impacted by divorce, especially those who are most vulnerable and at risk of being exploited, ignored, or isolated, the most important question for us to continuously and prayerfully ask isn’t, “Is this legal,” but instead, “What’s the loving thing to do?”
God knows it is not good for us to be alone. And, thanks be to God, we aren’t! We belong to God and one another. What God has joined together, let no one separate. Don’t settle for what’s legal, seek to do the most loving thing, remembering that we are all connected, we all belong.
Sermon by The Rev. AJ Heine at Trinity Episcopal Church, Staunton, Virginia, on October 6, 2024.
