Theological Truth: By dying to self we find our true identity rather than losing it.
In the name of God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.
In the film version of J.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings trilogy, Gandalf the Grey — wizard and sage — is fleeing with Frodo and the other members of the Fellowship of the Ring when they are attacked by a Balrog—a terrifying creature, the likes of which they have never seen. Gandalf places himself directly in the path of this fire-breathing, flame-enshrouded dragon, defiantly bangs down his staff, and bellows, “You shall not pass!”
Gandalf succeeds in saving the lives of his friends. The Balrog does not pass. Gandalf sends it hurtling into the abyss; but unfortunately, it takes Gandalf with him. His friends watch in horror as Gandalf is dragged down into the depths of the earth. His last words are still concerned only with his friends, not his own life. Just before he is pulled down, as they are frozen in horror and grief, he says, “Run you fools!”
Spoiler alert. This is not the end of Gandalf. Several chapters and a couple of close calls later, some of the original group come across him in the forest and call his name. He responds, “Gandalf? Yes… That’s what they used to call me. Gandalf the Grey. That was my name. I am Gandalf the White. And I come back to you now at the turn of the tide.” Gandalf the White returned with keener wisdom, greater powers, and an even greater unwavering courage. Gandalf did not seek to save his life, and in turn, he discovered fuller life and his truest self. Gandalf was not afraid to live out his purpose for the good of others. He understood that unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.
This is the message Jesus shares with his friends just before He glorifies the Father by giving himself for his friends; by placing himself between the powers of sin and death in order to save all humanity. And we know how that turns out. When Jesus is raised up on the cross…when Jesus is raised up in the Resurrection…when Jesus is raised up at his Ascension…he indeed brings the whole world along with him. Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies …
Jesus didn’t remain a single grain. He didn’t’ cling to a half-life. “Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” This “hatred for their life in this world” is a particular Johannine term. It’s not so much hating this world, so much as hating a life separated from God; despising the condition of living without full communion with God; shunning the temptation of settling for the devil we know rather than the God who so eagerly seeks us.
Jesus knows and shows what life fully lived to God and with God looks like. He doesn’t accept a partial existence or intermittent, half-hearted relationship with God. He is aware of, alert to, and committed to participating in what God is calling him to do. He withholds nothing, not even his life.
His life and teachings call us to do the same. Some people do. Think of Martin Luther King’s (a minister of the Gospel!) awareness of and willingness to participate in God’s loving and liberating purposes. More recently, the Russian dissident Alexei Navalny, also a person of committed faith, refused to save his life if it meant being disconnected from God’s desire for justice and freedom.
Don’t worry. Not all of us are called to dedicate this full measure of our devotion. What we are called to do, however, is to be aware of and grateful for, connected and committed to, God’s purposes. In The General Thanksgiving we say it this way: “Give us such an awareness of your mercies, that with truly thankful hearts we may show forth your praise, not only with our lips but in our lives, by giving up ourselves to your service.”
Ordinary people give up themselves for God’s service all the time. For example, while pumping gas this week, I learned of an off-duty paramedic — nine months pregnant!— who stopped to rescue someone from their overturned vehicle. Prompting her to go into labor. Both mom and baby are doing fine.
And then there’s my friend Alan’s mom, who had been taking care of her homebound friend Eleanor when Covid broke out and quarantine went into effect. Her kids begged her to stop visiting Eleanor; reminding her of the risks of not knowing who else was going in and out of her house; pleading with her to save her life from the deadly virus. But Kay looked at them with calm clarity and conviction and said, “I’m not abandoning Eleanor. I understand the risks. But I’ve lived 88 good years, and while I don’t want to die, if it should happen, so be it.” (I’m happy to say that Kay is alive and doing well!)
The point isn’t that God is calling us all to be either messiahs or martyrs. God is calling us into relationship. God wants us, invites us, empowers us, enables us to be connected to partner and participate in his ongoing loving, liberating, and ultimately life-giving purposes for the world. If we love the things of this world too much, we’ll miss the kingdom Jesus envisions. If we recoil in fear or turn inward out of selfishness, we’ll gain our lives…for a while, but at the cost of our souls.
So, what are we to do? How can we train ourselves to be aware of, alert to, connected and committed to participating in this ongoing work of God’s kingdom? Like every new skill or any new endeavor, it takes practice. And that’s where the spiritual tool of the Examen can be helpful.
The writers of this year’s Living Compass, Living Well Through Lent, know that the Examen Practice provides, “a way of paying attention as we listen for God.” They explain the steps this way: “At the end of the day, sit quietly for a few minutes, seeking God’s presence. Then:
- Remember times in the day when you felt most alive, and thank God for those moments.
- Remember instances when you felt the least grateful, and offer those with thanks to God.
- Notice times in the day when you experienced being aligned with God’s purpose for you, and give thanks for those times.
- Notice any moments when you felt far from living out God’s purpose for your life, and offer those to God.
- Ask God to help you live ever more closely to Gods’ plan and purpose for you tomorrow, and then turn everything over to God to held while you rest.” (p. 86)
Next Sunday is Palm Sunday, Passion Sunday. As we walk with Jesus through the events of his Passion, death and resurrection, take the opportunity to examine — gently not shamefully — “What am I passionate about? Where am I clinging to a half-life rather than the fullness of life lived with and for God? Where am I clasping a single grain instead of bearing much fruit?”
Let us pray:
Lord, give us such an awareness of your mercies, so strong of a connection to you,
such a trust in your loving purposes for us and your creation, that we may give up
our selves for your service. Amen.
Sermon for the Fifth Sunday in Lent at Trinity Episcopal Church, Staunton, Va., March 17, 2024
