Theological Truth: We must continue developing our relationship with God. It cannot be done by proxy.
You probably remember those jokes about “how many people does it take to change a lightbulb?” There was the one about how many Episcopalians it takes to change a lightbulb. The answer: four – two to mix drinks, one to call the electrician, and one to watch the silver. But my favorite was the one about how many psychologists it takes to change a light bulb: only one…. but the lightbulb really has to want to change.
It’s funny because it’s true. A psychologist can give us all sorts of good advice and helpful instruction, but at some point, we must choose to change. Teachers, preachers, coaches, and friends can all offer support and suggestions, but we have to decide what to do with it. Ann Landers or Carolyn Hax can give us life advice, but they can’t live our lives for us. That’s up to each of us.
If we can get past some of the difficult parts of this parable from Matthew’s Gospel, we can hear the wisdom of Jesus reminding us to be attentive to and responsible for our own spiritual lives.
But to be honest, this is a troublesome parable given the labels of the wise and the foolish, the lack of cooperation and sharing, and the shutting out of the latecomers. So, let’s start with the wise and the foolish bridesmaids. It helps if, rather than assuming “I” am in the wise category and “they” are the foolish ones, we instead admit that all of us sometimes act wisely and sometimes foolishly. That frees us to ask, “When have I acted like the wise bridesmaids? When have I behaved more like the foolish ones? When have I fallen asleep? How can I be prepared to stay awake?”
It’s also helpful to remember the responsibilities of a bridesmaid in first century Middle Eastern culture. Unlike today’s bridesmaids who spend most of their time with the bride, in Jesus’ day bridesmaids were responsible for waiting for the arrival of the groom. They would greet him with lamps as he arrived at his betrothed’s home. Their light would not only assist him in finding his way, but it would also illuminate how attractive, well-dressed, and prosperous he was.
The wise and foolish bridesmaids had important work to do, and some took it very seriously while others had a more nonchalant approach. Rather than wise and foolish, perhaps we could think of them as being either careful or careless. Notice that no one in the story is perfect. They all fall asleep while waiting for the delayed groom. But when it’s time to spring into action, those who are dedicated, who have been careful, are ready to reload their lamps with oil and get to their assigned task, whereas the others are left frantically pleading and ultimately being turned down and sent on a late-night run to a 24-hour Walmart.
Maybe like me, you’ve wondered, “Why not share their oil?” But if they did, they risked not having enough for any of the lamps. For instance, say the 5 wise bridesmaids each had 4 hours of oil and they decided to split it with the foolish bridesmaids so that there were now 10 lamps with 2 hours of light available. What would happen if the groom showed up 2½ hours later? No light. No wedding. No deal. The bridesmaids each needed to be ready with their lamps shining. It’s not that sharing or collaborating is wrong, but there are some things we must do for ourselves. This isn’t an “every man for themselves” mentality, so much as an “everybody needs to do their part” reality. All 10 of the bridesmaids need to be ready for the work of welcoming the bridegroom.
Such is the case with our own spiritual lives. You may have heard the saying, “I can pray for you, but I can’t pray for you.” In other words, we should pray for all those we share our lives and the light of the Gospel with. But we can’t pray FOR them. We can ask God to open their hearts and minds. We can pray that they would deepen in their knowledge and love and trust and experience of God’s presence in their lives. But eventually we can’t do it for them. Our relationship with God cannot be done by proxy.
There are a couple of implications for us here. The first and most critical is that we’ve been included in the coming of God’s kingdom. We are invited to the wedding banquet. It’s up to us to show up prepared to work like those bridesmaids – welcoming Jesus, shining our light in such a way that makes his presence known and his radiance felt. No wonder Jesus tells his disciples earlier in Matthew’s Gospel, “You are the light of the world… No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-16) Where are we, how are we, when are we shining the light of Christ in the world?
The second implication is that we don’t know when we’re going to meet Jesus, so all we can do is be prepared. There will be times when we fall asleep, when the waiting and watching becomes more than we can bear. The important thing for us to remember is to wake up and return to the work we’ve been given to do as keepers of the flame of hope, as bearers of the light of love. To continue deepening our authentic, humble, dedicated pursuit of a relationship with God in Christ through the Holy Spirit.
Communication is the key to all healthy relationships and the same holds true for our relationship with the Divine. Through prayer and scripture, pathways of communication are open. Read and pray; ask and listen. Trust that the very spark of a desire in you for this connection is proof and evidence that God is already at work to make it a reality.
Stay awake to this astonishing reality. Be prepared for the long haul and the joyful feast that awaits. We’d be foolish not to.
— Fr. AJ Heine, Rector, Trinity Episcopal Church of Staunton
Twenty-fourth Sunday After Pentecost, November 12, 2023
Readings: Amos 5:18-24, Psalm 70, 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, Matthew 25:1-13
